Never forget that your weapon is supplied by the cheapest bidder.
What the hell am I doing here? It’s only the middle of week two and I’m feeling completely lost already. Finance, got all the homework wrong. Stat, no clue what I’m doing and what’s going on despite keeping up with the work reasonably well (except for the problem sets and some basic understanding of the subject matter, but I suppose that’s detail.)
I don’t comprehend in the least how people can breeze through this crap, seemingly without any effort or sleep or cares; I’m really starting to wonder whether I belong in this place. Being surrounded by bright individuals who give the impression of just catching on right off the bat isn’t exactly conducive to morale. I don’t even know how I’m expected to hold up if I don’t savvy the basics at this point. It’s like I’m handling crisis after crisis, dealing with logistical crap for my house, Karin and her move, more work than I’ve ever been exposed to, and no time for anything personal — I feel completely lost and even guilty for having taken an hour yesterday to go swimming (and to fight with the officious, bureaucratic cretins that seem to lurk at every corner in this country. Will someone remind me why they wanted the Germans to leave? They’re doing a pretty good job emulating them.) Maybe Hugo’s right and I am emotionally volatile.
My camera was stolen in Fonty over the weekend, so that was a big confidence boost. Even given that the last few days have done a pretty good job shattering any illusions that I’d have a chance to use it. My most relaxing experience so far (after being kept up half the night by loud housemates (old building = rice paper flooring), worrying about the quiz today and a rooster — why did I not bring my shotgun? — and mom calling past midnight to wish me happy birthday. Nice gesture though) was standing in the gate to Le Vivier this morning, looking at the fog over the countryside and forest, it was a peaceful and beautiful scene.